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Being Centered Out and Isolated: My time with the Unitarian Church of Calgary

Updated: Dec 12, 2020


Videos of the types of sermons we have.


My whole life I've been in need of help. Hasn' t been till of late real help finally started coming my way in the most unusual events I couldn't imagine happening. And am thankfull for it.

Started with the 2016 election which at first just like millions of people had me stumped at how Donald even won the election. Wasn' t to long till the information starting coming out that i felt something was about to turn in my favour. The same people who've kept me intentionally down and from moving forward with my life, the same people whom are paid to supposedly help but refused to do so because of gender, race, and sexual proclivities chose not too, started to unravel and reveal themselves as they turned to trump to vent their frustrations.

Than came Dr. J. Peterson, who at the time was going through what I had gone through my whole life and started recovering from, appeared on the world stage when he voiced is dismay with our canadian government for attempting to push a bill forward in which would give a select few whos sole intent was, and still is, to use their short comings to abuse and violate another individual based on nothing more than a preconcieved notion of oppressed victumhood in relation to their gender, race, or sexual endeavors. Regardless of whom or what the targetted individual had already been through.

Being someone whos been down this road starting as young as four and enduring intentional attacks without the adequate help from those whom are supposed to provide help. People whom I called Friends, Family, Teachers, Colleagues, Bosses, Social Workers, Pyschologists, Government Work Force Agencies, and currently religeous groups. Most or nearly all whom just so happened have the same theme, attack anyone they see as someone who just so happens to have the least amount of support to dump life frustrations on just so they can feel better about themselves.

Now, growing up, I assume these issues were just dumb half witted people seeking someone of lesser quality, in my case me, to bully and attack. Not just the kids at school. No No, it was the teachers who allowed this to happen, and when I was teased or attacked by females older than me, the teachers allowed it to happen. Some attacking me for things I couldnt control, like there envious nature that I was male and they werent. And some how I was should be considered privilaged by these older girls just because I dont have periods or produce babies and some how us guys have absolutely lesser to no issues to deal with the females. These kinds of attacks started noticing more between 98 - 02 with the introduction of mainstream internet. As i felt that I was being attacked by females whom were younger than myself calling nothing more than a mysoganistic homophobe bigot somehow out to hurt others. This, aside of being humiliated in my younger years due lack of control over someone elses envious nature toward differences in puberty, was the first time I started feeling something was completely absurd that someone younger than myself who I dont even know from a hole in the ground assumed I was some white guy with a grudge. I couldnt beleive this. Even throughout my school years when I was accused of somehow leering at girls and wanting to somehow attack them or when I was accused of being racist because I some how wasnt Native enough since I wasnt on the reserve and didnt look like someone who wears a head wig war paint, I knew these just wanted to bully me and have get me into trouble, this issue of being some strange ass bigot really caught me by suprise. I had no clue as to where such information was coming from since people younger than myself especially females simply didnt have access to such information to accuratly assess another persons intent.

About first or second year of colleage, this was issue Ive held a little more offensive and completely aggregous as I was accused of this by those closest to by along side someone who I just met and barely got to even develop a connection with. I think it was a female I first met online somewhere. And I admit at the time I had absolutely no clue how to transferr photos to share. This female, because I didnt share a photo due to not knowing how to do so after she shared a supposed photo of hers, eventually accused me of just wanting sex. Now that was a first. And definatly blew me out of the water. I have never even thought of that. How that even popped into her mind was way beyond my comprehension.

That wasnt the first time, a close family friend not to long after, accused me of the same thing. She accused me of just wanting sex. Stumped and bewildered, the daughter of a family friend of a decade at the time accuses me of such. She knew and still knows that at some point several years earlier when she was the age of Kindergarden or grade one that her brother had given her a porn magazine and attempted to have her help him accuse me of giving it to her leaving me completely humiliated and unable to tell anyone else. I had no clue where they got it from, I do have two theories though as to how it landed in her hands despite her brother telling me she found it on the streets BFI bin. A BFI bin that ceased to exist at the time, or at least to my knowledge it never existed. That aside, the third time I was at Wendy's and having issues with my colleagues and I felt they were not as I felt using me only to play pin the tale on the donky. I was washing dishes and our Regional Manager, I think it was, was in at the time helping me get my duties done. When all of a sudden, there it was again, a female colleague younger than myself openly accusing me of just thinking about sex. Which I felt betrayed since she I felt I we had no issues with one another. And the issues of our colleauges unwillingness to understand being a highschool dropout isnt as easy as it looks and behaving in ways in which they would at home or at school especially in front of patrons wanting to get something for there families to eat. Patrons not wanting to hear or be part of another persons idea of a good time especially from someone who isnt even twenty yet.

Being attacked by a female manager was probably the worst type of humiliation ever, and with noone caring since we had a mixed bag of nutz, it was hard to endure such a year their. A hispanic female assistant manager, who felt entitled to to say the N and other racial slurs like ones she used towards her hispanic heritage, because she wasnt Canadian, made it very hard to work with her. She, along with the other colleagues felt they were allowed to act as though accountability hadnt applied to them because either they were 16 highschool dropout females, gays, or of other minorities. And they didnt mind accusing me of such crap. Where this information or set of issues they accused me of I had absolutly no clue. Or even any idea as to why I was even the one to be accused of it.

Strange Experiances With The Unitarian Church of Calgary

Since Fall and Winter of 2013/2014, I had started attending the Unitarian Church of Calgary as regularly as possible. I attended a few sermons fall and winter 2013. But not many. I did however feel some negative energies towards me for no apparent reason during many sunday services and church events right from the ghettgo. I cent remember which event came first at the moment. The reverand in trainings comment about streight single men or supposedly intentionally being spied on by one of the females via security cam.

Must've been February or so of 2015 when an individual by the name of Rev. Chris Rutherford, Since if I remember correctly the security cameras were not installed until after his ordination. I could be wrong on my lineage as I was going through some severe issues elsewhere in life which had cauesed stress in my life.

Chris Rutherford, whom was doing his training year at the time for his ordenation since the congragation was as it always has been, gender inclusive, sexual orientative inclusiveness, and whatever names currently are out there inclusive I had no knowledge of till I joined the church. Chris had come from Detroit to do his training in ministry at the church as we all know issues surround gays in traditional jobs still in exist in the US. But by this time I witnessing sermons I felt were off. I had never thought of witnessing someone being allowed to give a sermon about sexual identity and because he and others are gay that he has had to endure political strife yet only to say that it was the fault of streight white singe men who were to blame. He was the only one allowed to give a political sermons especially sermons on sexual preferances while stating being gay is the right way to live and being streight isnt.

I had just joined the Caring committee for the 2014/15 season, during his training year. As they needed some people to join the committee. On one such meeting in February of 2015, Chris had made a strange comment. That apparently some members of the congregation who are single with mental health problems and little to no income, just want to be stars and are supposedly jealous of him for being a gay reverand in training and somehow these individuals just want to upheavel him. I had no clue how to respond to such a statement. By someone whos being given the chance to move forward on the backs of those of us in severe need of help. One of the females Ive mentioned which I will speak more about in a bit, also made a strange comment relating to the churchs food bank which the Reverand had openly made public the food is there for people in need. This individual stated that the food bank which was previously made available to all now wasnt allowed for everyone. Which is strange. Whats it doing there and why's it being advertised as food open to all in need? And why the reverand wouldnt do much about it was and still is strange to me.

The other issue, I cant remember if it was the November of 2015 or 2014, so I think I will go with 2015 since I dont remember if the supposed security cameras weren't installed untill after Chris Rutherfords ordanation. I could be wrong at that part because not only was I highly anxious and still dealing with personal stress I wasnt making much of the actions or comments at the time of the people attending the church services. Any how, This individual, who claimed herself to be an alcoholic later on during one of our Sunday Suppers which I attended, felt compelled to insinuate that I had stolen/taken more food from the food bank than she felt was necassary for me to take. ?!?!???!! Stumped sitting waitign for choir rehearsal to start. "I hadn't taken Much." I replied as I was taking the minister up on her offer that the food was for people in need. And I was and still am completely in severe need of help. "You've taken quite a bit and saw it on the security camera!!!" Stumped and humiliated as I was intentionally being attacked and spied on by someone who isn't even an employee of the church who is somehow allowed to play church security services. A known alcoholic who's made that issue public and supposedly no educational background and possibly dropped out of highschool only to get a supposed G.E.D is now attacking me and for some reason is worried about a few bags of spegghetti and spegghetti sause noone cares about which as I had said was advertised as open for those of us in need. Somehow I was considered stealing from her and the congragation. Which is bizzarre and strange behaviour.

Come to think of it, next was rather hurtful which I got over quickly because this elderly person was the first and only I had befriended since November of 2013. And is known publicly as perhapes the worse mental health of the community. And is unable to do anything about it. When I had finally got on with disability which took me from summer 2015 to February 2015 as I had to make my claim in front of a panel of civilians selection from the city as a third party entity who moved my claim to the yes column. This was in a raging fashion as the government rep was also on the line who made a sneering comment which threw the lead panel into a fit of old school rage leaving a 20 - 100 page document of how appaling the claim the rep made and to "Look Bitch, Shut it the fuck up!" (Not in those words) Any how, what happened was that I had given my family $2000 as they constatly harrased me and bombarded me claiming that I owe my mom money for apparently years of servitude by mothering and supposedly housing me as a child. I was underderess and wanted them to stop so I emailed my mom $1500 and gave $500 to my brother if can remember. When I mention this to this friend of mine before our choir training. She had gotten upset that I'd do that after years of being broke and being apparenty to heavily relient of the church for food and money. Wasnt that the was upset that puzzeled me, was that someone had told her that I was somehow shorting the church money which she had accused I was doing. The only person I could think of who would say anything to her about some strange financial dispute between me and the church was the same person who used the security camera to spy on me and accuse of stealing church food which as I stated was openly made available by the minister. This and apparently not only was she self selected to be the church security, but the church financier as well as only someone with intimet knowledge of church business would know. And she connected herself with the churchs trustee and may have served as a trustee herself. This event caused me great concern and stress, which I had already more then enough of both from external issues not related to the church. But not with her specifically, since shes intelligent to know not to attack someone based on hearsay. Just that I felt the information came out when she was upset Id hand over that kind of money out of severe stress.

The concern was more that someone was attempting to attack me personally and/or use me as a ploy for something else that was going on just so they could get away with something. What ever that something was. Wether it was tax evasion, child abuse (I did witness along with many others during Chris Rutherfords Ordination supper elders were hostile towards one of the minors who just so happened to have ADHD as he claim and the kids were ragging on him. Yet one of the elders looked like he was ready to assualt the minor with this ADHD.), stealing money from the church (which is probly why that information slipped and was made to sound like I was shorting the church money), Drinking and encouraging drunk driving after supper, encouraging children to hurt one another, all the while claiming they are an inclusive community which does no harm.

November or Winter of 2016, we were getting ready for a sunday supper, this time the same individual who's a claimed to be an alcoholic was getting ready for new OWL PROGRAM the church was introducing to the church. The time I didnt think anything of if till a little bit later. While they were getting set up for supper and the OWL program which had been designed to teach kids about sexuality. Which was something I didnt really think about too much. But this night was odd for two reasons. How the Program was being handle and another issue I felt needs to be mentioned. Even though I had been told not to speak of it. But feel I must as it still sticks in my mind. And will get to the owl program next.

I was hanging out with some of the youth shortly before the program was to start. One of the kids said he in need to head to the City's Main Library which really strange because it was closed sundays. But he walked there improperly dressed and returned about an hour later. This person, Ive noticed had shown up to church from time to time drunk or under other influences. And the women who were are apart of the Youth Religous Program have vaguely mentioned he was a troubled person. Which makes this concerning. While absent, one of the girls had told his brother, the minor with AHDH I mentioned before, not to eat the cookie he had made as it was made with cocain I think it was. So now we have a problem which Im supposedly not allowed to speak of for many reasons. Upon return the female got the other minor to admit about not eating the cookie because it drugged by mentioning she to her brother not to eat the cookie he made. Than he wanted to go get cigerrettes. Now somethings really wrong as Ive witnessed this my whole life. A minor who drinks and admits to smoking and admited to intentionally endangering his older brother by ensuring drugs are in the form of a cookie to consume. My biggest worry is this is allowed and the mothers are allowing it to happen.

Moving along, he was so desperate to go get cigerrettes to smoke that he talked a couple of the girls into joining him to safeway. Or even behind safeway to buy cigerrettes. Which is outragous. THan he wanted me to get him cigerrettes and or booze and handed me money for either one. I said no. But admit I got a small shot of vodka and a can of Dr Pepper for myself since everyone drinks during the supper and during other social events held by the church. And since I dont remember ever seeing bother the liqour license to buy alcohol, a liqour license to hold alcoholic events, and the license to sell and distribute alcohol as I had previously had been trained by the Alberta Gaming And Liquor licensing committee. I drank the Dr Pepper in a cup with the shot of Vodka while sitting hanging with the kids. About the time the Owl event was about to start this kid wanted a sip of the booze I was like ya whatever. So he did. Than he and the two girls went and told the minister that I was stealing money from him to buy booze to drink and somehow I pushed him to drink up. The person who was hosting the Owl event for children, the same woman who accused me of stealing too much food from the food bank after spying on me, came down along with minister. "gasp its true!!" she said in an overexageratted manner as though I had all this alcohole I was somehow magically putting down the mouths of the youth. This woman whos a highschool dropout with no education in anything who claims to be an alcohol made it look like I was harming the children as she went to put the children in the room she had set up for the program. As though shes a mental health worker. Whats weird is that I was raised to believe someone whos an educated and experianced mental health worker has the right to educate children aside from the parents about sexuality. Not some woman whos hasnt even been to school since well may who knows what grade she last attended and in what year.

She than left the minister to speak to me and took the kids and probably locked them in one of the rooms to do god knows what. For all I knew she was attacking mens genitalia as they done during sermons, they couldve been showing adult material for all we know or teaching them other harmful things behind the backs of the parents. Dont know. Because I was left in a room with the minister while she asked me whats going on and why I'd force a kids to drink alcohol and push him give me money. Bewildered I had no response as I couldnt believe what I was hearing from a reverened whos a trained psychologist. The most strangest thing was I felt attacked when she told me "Not sure whats going on but now I can see why and where its coming from." Still Bewildered I still couldnt speak. Nothing came to mind to respond to an accusation. One that sounded as though I was somehow a raging alcoholic with daddy issues. And she gave me a card to one of her supposedly persnal favourite Female Psychologists. As if I hadnt already been to one who already had me assessed properly. Now what the hell was I going to talk about after being accused of such an act? Not that I just witnessed one of the girls attempt an assault the older of the two boys I'm speaking of. The weapon looked like one of them fire pokers. Just a longer version as they got it from the drama room.

During christmas supper that year. I was hanging with them after supper before desert as one of them wanted to play a board game which never happened as they just ended up wanting to chat while I listened. This time the Room was painted completely white. I felt someone was comfortable to answer my question as to what happens during the Owl events. As I had this strange feeling something was being done as they were being as I saw being locked in one of the childrens room with an uneducated women who has no clue about health on any level of the planet. And I as I stated I grewing haveing educated mental health female workers come to our school and speak of it. Just then the same kid who admitted to attempted to drug his brother threw a lit candle at him just missing him and hitting the wall leaving a black smoke mark on the wall. And noone wants to speak of these issues. Isnt this as my mom told me an abusive male in the midst? Someone who supposedly has access to drugs, ciggarettes, alcohole, and shows violant tendancies towards others? I attempted to speak to my mom as it was some time later the mother of these two boys came to one of the church services in tears as she sat with a couple crying about something. I can only assume it was about one of her sons. The one who threw the lit candle as I felt the need to file a report on him of what I witnessed in the time after the Christmas supper. The investigator told me he didnt want me to say anything any more. I just wanted to use this to explain what Im witnesses.

March 2019. Leading up to a sermon this month I want to speak of, I had, along with the congragation, witnessed multiple sermons which were far more politally left wing, anti male, pro gay, pro trans, and more leneant to bashing streight single white privialifed males or those precieved to be as such. Myself including. That and somehow these so called single white streight males are to be seen a danger to society and somehow more dangerous to women and children.

One sermon I remember the current minister attesting during her presentation that "men have all the worlds privilages and those who claim not are only looking through glass ceilings and have no life burdens anad dont need help." I've heard this conversation before earlier in my life. Instead it was feminists using my college time and money to critique a speech written by a male years earlier who used that same argument against a small group of women supposedly with issues. I have no clue what that issue was over and why I was to join a strange fight and argument not ment for me and one I cannot fight as I had my own issues. Now this time, and i remember this sermon was held with a supposed female co guest presenter the reverend hand picked which claimed to be a psychologist. Well I didnt even get to meet this individual after and converse with her as she along with all the guest sermon presenters never stuck around to meet the members of the community. So I have no clue this co guest presenter really is and if anything presented was real.

One sermon was presented by one of the members which had quite the accent and for most of the sermon I couldnt even make out what was being said. THe only thing I could make out was at the end was taking about encouraging children and teens to go out and have great sex. Which is I was out to lunch on that one. Why would the administration allow that to even be spoken? Boy, telling the attending members to go out and have great sex. And engouraging the youth to do the same. What? Without proper information on what might happen to youth?

This one guy who was barely even part of the community. Matter of fact I have no recollection of this person before or after the service. I couldnt believe I along with some of the Youth sat for longer the than service hour speaking of how the conservative government was destroying the enviroment and needs to pay him to build windmills on his property. I cant remember the sarcastic remark I made with the same member of youth I stated was assaulted by his brother witha lit candle, I barely remember his response, "Some people cant tell Propaganda." Something along that line.

This time, this service of March 2019 was another strange one and felt was another sermon which I could've stated as another service of women using their history to exact revenge on society by demeaning men more. Can't remember what it was about perhapes it was the sermon which our reverand co presented with one of the than members of the bord of trustees when she, the minister, had made that statement about "Men having soo much privilage and pretend to struggle while view invisible problems when they're only glass ceilings in place." Come to think of it before that was said I do remember the reverand saying "That if a woman wants to have sex, shes a slut, and that if she stands up for herself shes a BITCH!" And somehow "All women identify with one another and share the same experiances." And that "It should be ok for girls to go out and be premiscous and not ok for men to have sex as thats all they want."

Startled and stumped as I was since children were watching, one child I saw sat in the main hall where the sermon was held, a hande full sat the newly appointed youth coffee table that took place once a month when they didnt want to be downstairs. When the projecter was installed I usually stayed in the coffee hall and watched sermon being streamed. This is what really struck me as I had over the years witnessed services that seemed extreamly out of place and less to do with community and personal development and more like leftist brain washing. With concern with the youth at the table witnessing this as it unfolded I wanted to know what they were thinking. Walked over and asked if any of them had really believed any of the sermon being shown. And wanted to have an actual dialog with them. The oldest and being male, I was worried that he might not even be aware of what was being said since he was a now a single white adult by this time. Figure that out a single white male aged between 18 and 20 being called a youth and minor by a so called staff of the church. When he was trying to figure out what my interest was we were, I felt, so rudely interrupted by Holly Noel, one of the supposed churchs youth workers who identified as she/her and somehow agreed with identifying as equally educated as my mother in the social worker field and some how identified as a victim of sexual assault and battery all because she's lesbian, who happens to be soo much more younger than me and has only been a mother for about 10 years or less told me that I wasnt even allowed to joing the youth table. Second time I've been told which is strange since being with the church since 2013/14, with the exception of the issues I've already written about, noones ever had that much of a problem with my presence that I had been aware of. THe first time the Director of childrens Religous Education, DRE for short, told me about two months earlier the same thing, I had moved and brused it off at the time as something new they were doing. Stunned at her rudeness, I asked her what would be the purpose of her interjection. "You need to give the us and the church a criminal background check!" She responded. As I was trying to mention that bullys love to abuse weaker people to the male adult at the table when I was cut off by this individual, "You are not to be here since you are a single male." She continued. "Did you just address me as a common criminal?" I asked startled at what I was hearing "I dont want to talk about it now we can talk about it later, You need to leave" She started demanding. "These kids need a safe space from being endangered."

Speechless about all this and wanting to point out everything wrong with that, I couldn't so I just left.

This is what I felt was extremly bizzarre. First of all, long before she and the current DRE showed up and was hired by the church, I had already handed a copy of my criminal background check to one of the staff as I had already paid for multiple copies as I was just starting to volunteer with the Alberta Health Services as they wanted a background check on me as well. SInce I had a copy back than I handed one to the staff since I was already with the congregation and wanting starting to volunteer with them.

Secondly, why the hell is a member of the youth, who just so happens to be 20 at this time, whos single, has no working history, probably hasn't even had a background check himself on any issue for anyone to consider a threat, and is the same white person the sermons are presented as over privilaged white single person and is racist and mysogenistic, sitting at a table with two three females, two teens and a so called 20 - 25 year old adult who calls herself she/her and identifies as an equally qualified social worker as my mom is or some other for of mental health practitioner.

Thirdly, the woman who spied on me, and proclaimed herself as an alcoholic and a highschool dropout, has had no education that anybody knew of whatsoever, and probably still has outstanding drunk driving infractions allowed to sit with the children with her husband? Especially when, as I mentioned before, using the OWL program just to play mental health practitioner with the children in possibly a locked room to talk possible about sex, if thats what they were doing. Isnt that highly suspicious? Dont we already have enough Mental Health Proffessionals in our schools we don't need someone to impersonat a practitioner based on the fact shes a woman and mother? For all I and the public knows, they could be showing porn or other sexually premiscuous content that would endanger children.

Fourth issue, How is it that some adult female has magically has the capacity to assume she can equate and associate with my mother, especially on the topic of mental health issues? A mother who spent my Child hood and Teenage years going to university for a Masters Degree somehow is to be equated to a single woman with two or three daughters which none of them are even teens yet. Maybe, just maybe, ten years at the oldest. Really humiliating and insulting this is happening. With noone intervening to question the validity of the staff.

SInce this March 2019 event happened, I started seeing the bigger picture that I was intentionally being targeting by the few members of the congregation. Using either the odd member of the church or secretly using and encouraging the youth to attack me, I'm worried there is more to this community that I cant see and will not see as I feel the power structure has intentionally cut me off from communication from just about everyone just as I've been insidiously cut from recieveing basic help, such as food and the odd $5 gift card, they still continue to openly advertise as for all in need.

Hope this was insightfull while I'm seeking some outside help in dealing with this issue. Especially when as lately I've seeing the otherside of what many have educated me on what abuse is in the minds of certain individuals of power, gender, race, and/or privilage, which was we all know in reality one persons concept of reality isnt the same as another persons idea of reality.


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